; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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