I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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