After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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