So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
