We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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