Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
