he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
