when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
