Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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