I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
