I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
