I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
