there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
