Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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