i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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