I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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