you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
