i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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