New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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