I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's official drugs can't kill me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
