I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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