I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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