i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
