Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is Oprah even human
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
