If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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