sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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