His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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