textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
