There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
