So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I supernannyed him into submission
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
