Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
two words...techno handjob
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
