and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
