Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
