it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
