me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
