So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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