C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We had to coat check the pizza.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
