I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
