Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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