I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
