after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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