I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
