My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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