vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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