Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Couch. On fire.
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