Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
