I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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