While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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