You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
