Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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