so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
